Lina and I are fighting this battle still- learning to eat properly, how not to fall asleep, sucking and swallowing well, etc… See, she was three weeks early and posterior tongue-tied as well, which no one caught till six weeks into it. Plus, I need to be feeding her More often than I was, which ties us down even more. And it’s not what I was expecting- I thought I’d be able to feed her anywhere, that it wouldn’t tie us down so much- but with all of the issues we’re having, I really have to protect eating time. Go off by ourselves, close the door and breathe and relax (which was really hard earlier when my nipples were being chomped on!), cut out the distractions and focus (again, really hard when you’re a touch ADD). And, with all the other issues, throw in a very burpy baby, so I’ve had to get creative with positions and such, one includes me slouched way down on the couch with my feet on the ottoman, my legs holding get back while she sits next to me facing me and coming on from there. Not terribly pleasant for an hour, let me tell you what! Then add pumping for a half an hour to an hour after that, and it’s almost time to feed her again!! Agh!!
Anyway, but I hear there’s light at the end of the tunnel. She doesn’t always need a bottle now unless we’re going through a growth spurt, and my milk is fairly well established now. so I don’t have to worry that she’s not getting any or enough… Now there are concerns on my end of mastitis or blocked ducts or engorgement,… Oh, and i forgot to mention, right now we’e both very purple- we’re using gentian violet to fight off a bout of thrush (a yeast infection we just keep passing back and forth between her mouth and my nipples)-ugh!
Yet somehow God still shines through. He’s given me a ton of resources and a great support team, who have all cone alongside and let me ask questions and cry, and they’ve done laundry and held her and burped her while I pump, Daniel especially has kept me fed and made sure I get a shower every once in a while, and sometimes even a precious nap! 
This too shall pass. Soon she’ll get it, we’ll be out and about, learning a new phase of life that will also come with it’s difficulties, but hopefully they won’t be as strenuous as all of this.
Our breastfeeding journey, three months in
Parenthood begins
I’m learning to relax. (thank you, Tasha, for the yoga lessons!) I’m learning to let go, to be present, to treasure every moment- every poopy diaper, every hilarious face, every cuddle time. I’m learning what incredible friends God has blessed us with, and what a fresh coat of paint with a lot of love can do to alter a room! I’m learning what an amazing man I married, and how lost we would be without him! I’m learning what a great family I was born into, and how i wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world! I’m learning what a wonderful and patient Savior I have, and how He can creep into any moment at any time, because He IS in every moment, all the time. I’m learning to throw the plan out the window and just go with the flow.
I’m learning what it means to be a parent.
attitude check
God is good. He is faithful. and He’s such a loving Father, to gently chide us and discipline us.
on sunday, i had a bit of an attitude check about this whole pregnancy thing, and the stress of working on the house, and all that jazz. God reminded me through song, through His Word, and through a tender rebuke from a friend that: He is in control, this baby is a gift (not a bother), i need to be thankful, there is ALWAYS a reason to praise Him.
it’s weird how long people will let you get away with complaining when you have a giant baby bump sticking out and capturing the attention of any passersby. i mean, yes, there’s a lot of changes going on, and there’s something new every day, but that’s no reason to complain and dwell on the negative. it’s almost as if people WANT to hear the negative things–their face asks in that contorted sort of way, preparing to sympathize with you. i’d like to throw them for a loop (for this last month, since that’s all i’ve got left!) and show them how grateful and excited i am to have this opportunity to carry another life into the world! sure, i won’t sugar-coat it, but i want to end on a positive note. (i think part of it has also been working with a couple girls from the neighborhood who just want to be pregnant. and i keep telling them: yeah, it’s great, but you have to have the commitment of the daddy to be in this for life in order to make it work. otherwise it would be just plain miserable. but i digress.)
i’m excited to be a mom. i’m excited to see how our family grows, and how daniel and i will learn to be Godly parents. i’m excited to see who she is, and what she grows up to be. i’m excited that her room is nearing completion. i’m excited for the baby showers that are still to come (and the one we’ve already had–i feel so prepared already, and i know it will only be more so as we continue to get bags fo clothes from friends, and bottles of lotion, and bundles of diapers, and advice from great parents, and all that comes of welcoming a new baby to life!). i’m excited to see what kind of Light we can be here in price hill in being a family (i know. i remember how it was growing up here–we kids were the doorway to relationships with our neighbors, and i’m excited to see how God uses our little girl to reach out to this community). i’m excited to see her fall in love with her Father. i’m excited to help cultivate that relationship, while cultivating my own with Him. i’m excited for dates with my man, and making sweet memories together, just the three of us (for now). i’m excited to have it be more than just the three of us later down the road, too, if that be the Lord’s will.
most of all, i’m excited for her to be here, to meet her, to hold her, and let someone else hold her for a while, too. 
“thank You, Lord, for this precious time. don’t let me waste any more moments grumbling and complaining about something that is so obviously a treasure from You. may we accept everything that comes our way as a treasure, a way for You to grow our faith and get into us and deepen our understanding of You. thank You. amen.”
a prayer for a daughter (by ann voskamp)
A prayer for a daughter (by ann voskamp)
“Father, who breathed life into this daughter…
I pray for this girl being formed into eternity…
May the wind always be in her hair
May the sky always be wide with hope above her
And may all the hills be an exhilaration
The trials but a trail,
All the stones be stairs to God.
God, clothe this girl in a gown of grace
Grace, the only dress that makes beautiful,
The style of Your Spirit.
Nourish her on the comfort food of the Word,
Word, that makes her crave more of Christ,
Have hunger pangs for Him.
Enclose her in communion with You
You, Love who makes her love, who folds her heart into a roof
That absorbs storms for souls,
That makes her tongue speak only the words that make souls stronger.
May her vocation in this world simply be translation
Translating every enemy into esteemed guest
Translating every countenance into the face of Christ
Translating every burden into blessing
When it’s hard to be patient… make her willing to suffer
When it’s ridiculous to be thankful… make her see all is grace
When it’s radical to forgive… make her live the foundation of our faith
And when it’s time to work… make her a holy wonder.
May she be bread and feed many with her life and her laughter
May she be thread and mend brokenness and knit hearts
May she be dead to all ladders and never go higher, only lower, to the lonely, the least, and the longing
Her, led of the Spirit to lead many to the Cross
That leads to the tomb wildly empty.
Oh, and raise me, Lord, from the deadness of my own sins to love this beautiful girl like You do…
In the name of Christ who rose
And appeared first
To one of His daughters…
Amen…”
play time
“Lord, teach us to play more. to LAUGH more. to sing more. to enjoy the moments we have, because they really are so few.”
a song from childhood keeps playing in my brain, and here are the lyrics for any of you who know it. it’s so simple, but so true. if you have the time to listen to it, here’s a link to sesame street singing it, because, apparently, that’s where i got it from–it’s their song. (note: actually, it’s written by joe raposo, who wrote lots of things for sesame street, then recorded by karen carpenter, and made ridiculously famous by sesame street, …but who’s keeping track of these things? obviously, my parents.) then please, come back and sing along!
“Sing
Sing a song
Sing out loud
Sing out strong
Sing of good things, not bad
Sing of happy, not sad
Sing
Sing a song
Make it simple
To last your whole life long
Don’t worry if it’s not good enough
For anyone else to hear
Sing
Sing a song
La la la la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la”
Jesus and Pregnancy
“The only thing that will enable to enjoy the disagreeable is the keen enthusiasm of letting the life of the Son of God manifest itself in me. No matter how disagreeable a thing may be, say–’Lord, i am delighted to obey Thee in this matter,’ and instantly the Son of God will press to the front, and there will be manifested in my human life that which glorifies Jesus…
“Keep your soul fit to manifest the life of the Son of God. Never live on memories; let the Word of God be always living and active in you.”
–oswald chambers for may 14th (based on 2 cor. 4:10)
wow. this has been what i’ve been trying to grasp through this whole pregnancy/morning sickness thing. how can i best display Jesus, while feeling nauseous almost all the time? there we go.”Lord, i am delighted to obey You in this matter. it is for a very worthy cause: bringing another human life into this world. we will do our best to raise him/her to know You, and hopefully one day they too will be delighted to have You as Lord of their life. God, we pray for little baby smyth in this matter. i don’t know what to expect or hope for, this is such a HUGE responsibility, and i’m honored that You chose daniel and i to handle this (all in Your strength, of course!). i pray for health and safety as he/she breathes their first breath somewhere around october 12th, i pray for the house to be ready for little baby smyth–and i praise You for the gift of a place to call ‘home’, as temporary as anything on this earth is. but mostly, Lord, i pray for baby smyth to know You, to bring You glory, that we as a family could touch many lives with Your love and passion, and be a light for You in this dark world. thank You for this opportunity, and for such a sweet and precious gift. may we guard it well, with Your help. thank You, Lord Jesus. we love You.”
Things i’m Learning from the Inner-City
nothing is permanent. nothing is sure.
“i’m moving.” “can i have a cinnamon roll? (ie: i don’t know when, or what, my next meal will be.)” “i can’t make it today; somethin’ came up.” “you leavin’? are you coming back?” “my cell phone’s outta minutes (or worse, ‘i got a new phone.’).” “my neighbor got shot last night.” “my sister’s stayin’ with her daddy, and i miss her.” “what happens when we die?”
we had play practice today at 2pm. we’ve drilled the kids over and over about when rehearsals are and when we need them to be here and be ready, have their lines memorized, bring their scripts, etc. we have our first preview performance for the musical tomorrow morning, and we had two kids show up this afternoon (and only because we went to pick them up). we tried to get the others, but two weren’t there, one had a fit and decided not to come, two got in trouble so they weren’t allowed (when we’ve talked about being on your best behavior outside of practice so that you can come and be a part of this fun “extra-curricular activity”), and two of them who usually walk, didn’t show (but we also could have missed them due to the fact that we were short on staff today, so no one was at the church to let them in at 2). *sigh*
welcome to life in the inner-city.
nothing is permanent. nothing is sure.
and sometimes, that has to be okay. make the most of it, and move on.
we had fun with the two we had–we cut out cardboard birds and painted clouds and flowers and a big orangey-red sun. “thanks, God, for a chance to laugh and play, despite the frustrations of my brain that says, ‘we’re starting an hour late, we only have two kids, and we have to be ready to do this tomorrow?!’ You say, ‘it’s alright, becky. be still and know that I AM GOD. have fun with these kids, today, right here, right now. all is well. all shall be well. I Know!’ thank You.”
my focus is clear.
nothing is permanent. nothing is sure.
but God Knows.
we’re about to buy a house. we just need to sign the papers and it’s ours. we can dream and plan and organize and have people over and enjoy. but it’s just a temporary dwelling place. it’s not the heart and soul of who we are or what we do. that is what lies above the cardboard cut-out clouds that drift over my head on this unusually sunny day.
nothing is permanent. nothing is sure.
thank God we have Him, the only thing Permanent & Sure.
may we come to know Him more fully, in ALL circumstances.
inner-city drive-by hi!
p.s. i LOVE working with inner-city kids! they are a handful and a half, but just now, one of our kids from last year just dropped by to say hi. we’re making a difference, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time. we’ve left a mark,
we’re part of their story,
…and they’re a part of ours.
ivan, indiasia, diamond, d, jamal, egypt, ricky, tater, nandy, joshua, … the list continues to grow, even as they move on, move away, and hopefully move forward. every conversation, every ride home, every muffin and bag of chips given, every smile, every art project, every invitation deeper into each others’ lives,… makes a difference. “praise God, from Whom all blessings flow…”
community life…
…suits me well.
i feel like i was made for this time in life. sharing, cleaning up after each other, checking in to make sure everyone’s good before galavanting off on our own, plans changing every five minutes,… yep, sounds like life as it’s been already, no? coming from a big family it was tough to get used to just one person around the house (and i use the word” tough” in a very subjective way. there were times when it was quite nice having it be just the two of us! and, if i wanted to stay in that selfish state for the rest of my life, i would have had us stay in that cute little one-bedroom apartment much longer!)… so, it’s nice to have people around again to come home to all the time, someone to chat with, share chores with, cook for, serve, etc. especially with the baby around, that has really upped the ante, as it were.
i feel like we’re on a good road spiritually, too. lots of prayer, good talks, God talks, scripture being shared and tossed around and dug through together… God has brought a few other really good friends by our side to join with us in this, and i’m excited to see where God takes us in Him–how much He’s going to grow us, and challenge us, how much more we’ll be able to do TOGETHER rather than on our own! that’s why He calls us His Body, because He wants us to work together, like an elbow and a thumb and a wrist and all the joints and ligaments that hold all of those together. He’s good like that.
so, sunday lunch–off to a lovely start. evening meals at the coffeeshop–delicious and fun. house meetings–necessary and good for the soul. community outreach–so many ideas, so little time! “further up and further in,” my friends! come join us!
